SHE.HER.

Today, rainy and cold. it wasn't a good start today. i feel so lousy today. don't know why 同样是一个爸爸生的but differences is such a big拆别. haiiss. today before i left for school, i ask my dad for allowance but he likt took so long to take out his money lo. in the end he only give me 10bucks like what he normally do. but when comes to my sis or bro is so different lo. haiiss. i wonder if i'm really that 讨人严. maybe ba. after that when i reached school le, cause today the u magazine people got to come and interview my teacher and take pictures for the up coming christmas, so i can't bake my cheesecake today. feel so blue. i thought i can bake my cheescake to make me feel better. haaiiss. then later i went to my work place, the people over di siao siao me, i feel even worse. after that kanna abit lecture from my up-line, so it added to my down feeling. well, is for my own good la. then when i was about to board the bus, i recieved ling ling 's text, saying that she not interrested in working this job le. ask me to jia you. getting even more jia luck to my today super emotional feeling. i've been trying hard to ask her to think for her future first, but still, it doesn't work. at first when she decided not to be angry with me le after that incident, i thought everything can still be like the past. the feeling, the emotion, of having her back as friend. but i realised it wasn't the same le. i can no longer find back the same kinda feeling and emotion le. is like i have lose her forever and she had walk out from my life le. at first i thought since i joined this company, i can make more friends, socialise with new people, but at the same time, i had lost a truly close friend. and i can longer have her truly by my side le. i don't know if i have regretted ny choice of joining this company not. haiiss. suddenly, i felt a strong feeling of lonliness, a very empty feeling within my heart. is like i lost my close friend, and my sister is going to leave for australia the beginning of next year le. like people who are close to me are walking out of my life le. i really can't bear this pain nor can i hide this terrible feeling in me. haiisss. why do many changes happened after i have decided to be independent. i felt so lost and strange, like i'm a stranger to this world and this world is like a stranger to me. unpredictable of what's gonna happen next but always have the strong feeling of emptiness and lonliness. haiiss. is like totally beyond the reach of happiness, beyond the touch of warm, above the depth of fear, above the height of lonliness. will all these come to fade? or will these stay to remain? haiiss. i can no longer contain my tears of fear, my joy of laughter.

Labels: My down feeling.