i finally realised that i was not that important to those around me. is just like that i'm by coincidenc appeared in their life. am i disrupting their life or entertainting them? i feel so lost and confused all of a sudden, i dont see my purpose being in the midst of them. feel like so extra. though often i tell myself not to think negatively, but i just cant sort out this confusing thoughts. maybe i'm just not strong enough to pull this through or i'm just too weak to fight for my exsistence. many a times, i cried over this feeling, and fell into deep confusion. i wondered if i have ever really tried my best to make myself feel worth infront of them. well, i was really a fool. i didnt do well in proving my worth so i ended in a struggle. maybe i back out last minute, afraid of loing what i have now. haiiss. to my family memebers, i'm just another meember to them someone who is here and is to be ask when needed. to my friends, i'm just another stranger who appears to be rich and seems to be so extra. only when i'm needed then they will find me. i really feel so troubled by all my unsured feelings. am i suppose to confirm all these or pretend it never exsist? why do i feel so hurt? ain't i'm suppose to feel happy that at least i'm of worth to be used? tangled of fears and tears come in heavy blow. and i just cant take it. no matter how much i tried to hide these i just feel that i cant take it anymore. maybe is time i really settle down and seriously make a firm decision between friends, family and studies. well, i'm not too sure if i can bear these hurts if i choose my studies instead? cause i'm afraid of losing them but if i choose them, will it be my right choice? what should i do that is right? God knows?Labels: falling into deep confusions.
