Tuesday, October 27, 2009
I guess it's really over for me le. just when i have decided to start anew. really learn well my bakery. but i think i haven even started, already going to end le. i really feel so useless lo. is this what i should get since i started playing with fire. haiiss. when in times of trouble i thought i could find someone to help, but i realised when i flip into my phonebook, no one i can turn to. haiiss. then when i turn to my sister, she also couldn't help me. or maybe she don't wish to be implicted into my problem. i really don't know what should i do now. since months ago, i have the strong feeling that i'm about to say sayonara le. everyday, i have the bad feeling within me that soon i'm gonna go and leave. but don't know to where i'm heading to. i wonder if this will be last blog. suddenly, so miss my beloved grandma. memories of her holding my hand and telling me to be brave, cause she will be with me through no matter what i face, but i realised since the day she had left, i should not rely on her anymore. i really feel so apologetic against her, felt that i had truly let her down. i don't know if i should just leave and go somewhere else that i should, cause i don't feel the sense of belonging here. cause i have the strong feeling, that my parents no longer can tolerate me, and somehow, one day, they will just ask me to go and never come back le. frankly saying, i'm really afraid of being left alone and cannot be with my family anymore. but i know that one day this will really happen and i got to leave. i don't wish to wait for them to ask me to leave, i would ather i leave at my own accord. omg. i feel so stressful staying in this family, everyday i hear my parents quarrel, i hear my mother keeps complaining to me about my maid. my dad keep telling me that my mum is crazy and can't stand her anymore and she should go dei or go mental hospital. then my sister also busy with her own life. everyone in my family seems to be all on their own. everytime when i got trouble or unhappy things i wanna share but i couldn't share with any of them. sometimes, i really think about it over and over again, why do i always put friendship as first, the most precious and important thing in my life, above all else. even, when i thought i could turn to my friends, but all also got to keep their boyfriends accompany, none i can turn to. cause even if i tell them they also can't do anything to help me. they only can tell me not to be sad or cry. they are all just so busy with their own life too. whenever i'm back home, regardless from school or outside, i just feel that they don't need me le. and my purpose of living here is cause i need food and lodging. sounds like i'm a dog. need someone to take care. should i just leave and go somewhere else whereby, i won't be a burden to anyone. i feel so worn out by all that i'm facing right now. i think that if i'm really gone, no longer here, they all will feel very happy. hehe(: i think its a fact.Labels: My last ending.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
My beloved ones and all that had been with me through many diffculties, loving them with my lifetime to come. i'm afraid that i do not have much time left to love all that i wanted to love so much. just wanna tell them that how much i love them and wanna share with them all the sweetness i have with me. they are so dear and precious to me. here, i want to say a big 'THANK YOU' to my mummy and daddy, though i don't even really communicate with them nor share anything with them. but if i don't say it now how much i do love them i scare one day it be too late already. being the eldest at home, i also wanna say how much i really really love my sister and brother. everytime my sister will buy nice things and share with me. she will always talk to me about life principal and sometimes share with me about her life stories. my brother will always help me take things, help me do things. but what i like most about him is he like to sa qiao in front of me, he is most afraid of dark and ah piao. so most of the time he will always want to come to my room and sleep. he will feel very safe sleeping in my room. and he everyday will give me hug hug amd say goodnight to me before he sleep. i really love my brother and sister. they are the most important people in my life. and greatfully, i wanna say i 'LOVE AND WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. i won't whan'to lose them one day, cuz if i will to ever lose them i will surely cried till my eyes balls drop. hehe(: the another love ones i cherished the most are my beloved friends, they have been through with me thick and cold. overcoming every obsactles in my life. they will there with me when i needed a shoulder to cry on and share with me whether sad or happy. they will also give me much care and concern. truly i wanna say i 'LOVE YOU PEEPS ALOTS'. and also my beloved cousin who stood by me whenever i'm down or feeling blue. i wanna tell you how much i do 'CHERISH AND LOVE YOU'. no matter the skies are bright or dark, cloudy or stormy, i will never forget this one and only 'LOVE' we shared. hopes, dreams and wishes, may this piece of 'LOVE' we shared will stay as strong as the thunder strike and we'll never fall apart. thank you to all my beloved love ones. may my everyday be filled with many many slpendidful of sweetness and love to flow upon all my loved ones.Labels: Cherishing them.
Everything seems just like it happened not long ago. it seems just like few days had past gone only. wonder why God choose to take him with him suddenly. a child like him who is about to start his adulthood soon. when i went to his funeral today with my friends, i saw him lying there peacefully. i felt sad at that time, and tears drop slowly from my eyes. my friends cried too. is was such a sudden and shock to many of us. it felts like a joke but nothing like this can be a joke to joke about. is serious and shocking. life is so fragile. no one can predict what will happen in the next second, minute, hour or day. must learn to cherish everything or beloved ones around us before all is to late to regret. maybe everything is to fragile to decide what will happen next. but i know that one day, somewhere over the rainbow, we will all be called home. and no matter what will happen next in our life, God will be with us through. i believe that he is already home with God. haiiss..the day to be fulfilled, the life to be cherished.Labels: Is a sad ending.
