SHE.HER.

Today, rainy and cold. it wasn't a good start today. i feel so lousy today. don't know why 同样是一个爸爸生的but differences is such a big拆别. haiiss. today before i left for school, i ask my dad for allowance but he likt took so long to take out his money lo. in the end he only give me 10bucks like what he normally do. but when comes to my sis or bro is so different lo. haiiss. i wonder if i'm really that 讨人严. maybe ba. after that when i reached school le, cause today the u magazine people got to come and interview my teacher and take pictures for the up coming christmas, so i can't bake my cheesecake today. feel so blue. i thought i can bake my cheescake to make me feel better. haaiiss. then later i went to my work place, the people over di siao siao me, i feel even worse. after that kanna abit lecture from my up-line, so it added to my down feeling. well, is for my own good la. then when i was about to board the bus, i recieved ling ling 's text, saying that she not interrested in working this job le. ask me to jia you. getting even more jia luck to my today super emotional feeling. i've been trying hard to ask her to think for her future first, but still, it doesn't work. at first when she decided not to be angry with me le after that incident, i thought everything can still be like the past. the feeling, the emotion, of having her back as friend. but i realised it wasn't the same le. i can no longer find back the same kinda feeling and emotion le. is like i have lose her forever and she had walk out from my life le. at first i thought since i joined this company, i can make more friends, socialise with new people, but at the same time, i had lost a truly close friend. and i can longer have her truly by my side le. i don't know if i have regretted ny choice of joining this company not. haiiss. suddenly, i felt a strong feeling of lonliness, a very empty feeling within my heart. is like i lost my close friend, and my sister is going to leave for australia the beginning of next year le. like people who are close to me are walking out of my life le. i really can't bear this pain nor can i hide this terrible feeling in me. haiisss. why do many changes happened after i have decided to be independent. i felt so lost and strange, like i'm a stranger to this world and this world is like a stranger to me. unpredictable of what's gonna happen next but always have the strong feeling of emptiness and lonliness. haiiss. is like totally beyond the reach of happiness, beyond the touch of warm, above the depth of fear, above the height of lonliness. will all these come to fade? or will these stay to remain? haiiss. i can no longer contain my tears of fear, my joy of laughter.

Labels: My down feeling.

Today, it was my bad start of a day. at first everything was fine, till a sudden explosion of my parents quarrelling, i was unforunately place into the picture and i was scolded for no reasons. in the end i couldn't get any money from my dad. feel so innocent to get invovle. when i left the house i answered ling ling's call, and broke down into tears. haiiss. she comforted me and i met her shortly after that. then i went with ling ling to her part-time work place to join a grouping and a briefing. though the whole afternoon was quite a boredoom. feel so tired, shagg and sian but while waiting for ling ling, their are people over there who will talk to me, tell with me some lame jokes and share with me their life experiences. it took like quite long to finish the whole afternoon activities. after that around 6plus7 like that we went bowling at east coast park. it was fun and enjoyable. cause it's a split team competition between all of us. i was in wen jie team, whereas ling ling was in bryan team. though we wasn't the winning team but we put in much effort and joyfulness to play it well. overall, our team, though ended the last, cause our bowling lane was kinda jam and slow. but we did beat bryan team. by about a few more points more. and is like i was the last in my team to play and really i ended the last among all to bowl. hehe(: everyone was like starring at me. so awakard. so my ball was like went so sangai. omg. but, well, i hit a overall score of 80. and i think i did quite okay la. hahas(: lastly, we went mac to sit down and makan, chitt chatting, like noisy birds. lol(: okay la. it ended around 11plus, then we all head home sweet home. thanks to hui chin cause he send the few of us home. hehe(: i truly can say with my true feeling that these people that are also about all at most the same age as me and ling ling, was really nice and good people who treated us damm super nice and good. really thanks them lots. i felt so blessed to have known them. arigatou(:

Labels: My emo day.