SHE.HER.

I guess it's really over for me le. just when i have decided to start anew. really learn well my bakery. but i think i haven even started, already going to end le. i really feel so useless lo. is this what i should get since i started playing with fire. haiiss. when in times of trouble i thought i could find someone to help, but i realised when i flip into my phonebook, no one i can turn to. haiiss. then when i turn to my sister, she also couldn't help me. or maybe she don't wish to be implicted into my problem. i really don't know what should i do now. since months ago, i have the strong feeling that i'm about to say sayonara le. everyday, i have the bad feeling within me that soon i'm gonna go and leave. but don't know to where i'm heading to. i wonder if this will be last blog. suddenly, so miss my beloved grandma. memories of her holding my hand and telling me to be brave, cause she will be with me through no matter what i face, but i realised since the day she had left, i should not rely on her anymore. i really feel so apologetic against her, felt that i had truly let her down. i don't know if i should just leave and go somewhere else that i should, cause i don't feel the sense of belonging here. cause i have the strong feeling, that my parents no longer can tolerate me, and somehow, one day, they will just ask me to go and never come back le. frankly saying, i'm really afraid of being left alone and cannot be with my family anymore. but i know that one day this will really happen and i got to leave. i don't wish to wait for them to ask me to leave, i would ather i leave at my own accord. omg. i feel so stressful staying in this family, everyday i hear my parents quarrel, i hear my mother keeps complaining to me about my maid. my dad keep telling me that my mum is crazy and can't stand her anymore and she should go dei or go mental hospital. then my sister also busy with her own life. everyone in my family seems to be all on their own. everytime when i got trouble or unhappy things i wanna share but i couldn't share with any of them. sometimes, i really think about it over and over again, why do i always put friendship as first, the most precious and important thing in my life, above all else. even, when i thought i could turn to my friends, but all also got to keep their boyfriends accompany, none i can turn to. cause even if i tell them they also can't do anything to help me. they only can tell me not to be sad or cry. they are all just so busy with their own life too. whenever i'm back home, regardless from school or outside, i just feel that they don't need me le. and my purpose of living here is cause i need food and lodging. sounds like i'm a dog. need someone to take care. should i just leave and go somewhere else whereby, i won't be a burden to anyone. i feel so worn out by all that i'm facing right now. i think that if i'm really gone, no longer here, they all will feel very happy. hehe(: i think its a fact.

Labels: My last ending.