it's been quite some time since i last blogged. today i got a mixed up feeling. don't know why are my tears flowing unsteadily. i just feel so lost and no strength. many a times ling told me that crying don't help even if i feel so lousy. but sometimes i saw her crying too then, i'll ask her the same thing does crying help, she just keep silent and let her tears flows. maybe is just human nature that we do cry at times when things ain't going smoothly for us. i keep telling myself that if i don't cry, i will feel more worse and terrible keeping all my mixed feeling in me. but when i cry, my tears ain't flowing steadily. like is so hard to cry out. today when i was out with ling, qin and sl, we played bowling, then i lost. and i just feel like crying suddenly. don't know why but cause recently my feeling got mixed up and at the verge of breaking down i cried when we were eating pasta mania. then they all tried to cheer me up, but i just feel so sad and i don't know why only a few drops of tears flow. but still, feeling down, so ling and qin ask sl to call me lai lai to cheer me up. sounds weird. but when sl call me lai lai, i started laughing cause qin started laughing then i got influnence by her laughter. but as times goes by, when we go singing at teo heng, i sang the song i always sing with ling, and truly sad song touches a broken heart, i did cried but just that few precious drops. i really feel so stressed up by my confusions and heart cracks. maybe i'm running away from reality, the fact to face my situation bravely, but i just can't take up the courage. i thought i could learn to be stronger but my broken heart is pulling me down to the point whereby, i can't take it anymore. i really want to make myself feel numbless. so that i don't brood over the pain or maybe just fall into unconsious state. i hope soon, i can be strong, stay happy, move on and be independent. i don't wish to fall back into my past where hurts overtake and my life seems so lifeless and meaningless. i guess i can take it hard so that whatever i'm gonna face in future will allow me to face it strong and brave. though it's gonna be a hard fight but i guess i can face it better than before. alright la. during these times of cries and pains, i'm glad that my friends are there for me. they really means alot to me. love you gfs and guys. shall not drag on le, sounds moody and blue le. take care my beloved friends. Labels: falling back into nighhtmare.
