I really misses you grandma, where have you been so far? Which part of Heaven are you in now? Are you enjoying yourselves up there? I do not know why I still misses you badly. I guess I still can’t get over your loss. Maybe my heart is so burden. I thought I could be very brave to face all that I’ve been through so far. Going through all the needles pain, the in-out stitches, the operation fears, the vomiting of pain, the unbearable pain and hurts I endure. I guess it can’t be compare to the suffering you been through.
I never knew how it is like to go through all these, but I finally tasted it myself. I realised that I wasn’t as brave as you were. I never ever heard you complained about the suffering, those needles pain. But I know I can never be like you to endure the pains in silence. I wanted to be brave as you taught me to, before I went for my operation, but I really can’t. I don want to face it all alone. I know your presence were with me throughout the operation. Thanks lots. I really appreciate and love you, grandma. I have a request to ask of you, will you be back to celebrate my birthday with me? Do you still remember the day I was born? Will you keep me accompany on my birth date?
I wanted so much for you to be with me, for only in your eyes I can see your love and cares for me. In your eyes, I can see how much worries you carried. Only in your eyes, I can feel that I belong to you and this world. But now I can't see your eyes anymore. I am afraid to bring it to pass. For I know I’m not that brave to do it all alone. For in the eyes of my parents, I can’t feel the special cares you gave me. Do you know you are my pairs of eyes, my pairs of hands, my pairs of legs. Because of you I managed to come so far, to where you want me to be. But when you’re gone, I felt that I do not belong to where I am now. You are the reasons why I choose to fight the long suffering hurts I been through.
I really need you, oh dearest grandma. I wished for a wishing star in the sky, so that i can see you once again. You are my angel, my guardian angel up above the sky. in the night i wished for your appearance, your presence to light up my darkness night, oh dearest grandma. There is this saying that says: [there is a straight line ahead of you if you see things beyond superficially, and the rope you standing on the straight line won’t snap.] I believe you are my straight line. For in you I can see my life being loved by you. I love you always.
